It's been a long time since I've been here. Been really busy lately. Started on some diet pills a few days ago, took em last year n dey were good hopefully this tym they'll work 4 mi. I'm so not looking forward to 2009 coz i'm still fat and my life is shit. Have been eating a lot these days because it's the only thing working for me. So stressed up I think I should get some pills from the GP to help me relax.
Anyway I really feel like self harming tonight, juss wanna cut my wrists and watch the blood flow out of them. I have failed in everything this year and I juss hate myself for it!!!Why is it that everyone else's life is moving except for mine? I dunno wat to do!!!Aargh!!

So... i am rily fat and i hate myself for it. sometimes i feel like killing myself because nomatter how much i try to be skinny, i put on more weight. I can't rily say they are many things in ma life that i have control over, except for what i eat. I've made up my mind now, i have to stop eating and i need 2 start working out excessively. i need to lose 88lbs all in all n 4 christmas, i need to have lost at least 20lbs. I been stufffing myself with food the past week and i don't even want to go on a scale because I think i myt die if i know how much i weigh! I can't go to sleep ryt now because I've been thinking about how i'm going to survive from the temptation to eat tomorrow at college. My friends don't understand that I am fat and i hate to  look like this, they think i'm crazy and weird.